an old friend

You'll never guess in a million years who visited Mom today. Jody Wilcox Gottier! She called me to say she'd stopped by (it's winter break for schools here in CT) this morning. Mom was resting in her room, but when the aid came to get her up for lunch, Jody talked to her and they reminisced about when we were little. She remembered her easily, once Jody said ' hi, it's Jody, you always called me Josephine and your favorite flower is the lily of the valley!' Jody said she had a big smile on her face. I got all choked up. Next time maybe Lise will go too. How sweet is that.
And tomorrow the Guilford crew are coming: Gail Etter, Liza Catino, Bill Speed, and Marjorie Colton from the choir. We'll sing for the whole group from the Readers' Digest song book. Gail's bringing some shaker eggs from her youth choir collection to hand around for group involvement. That'll keep them entertained for a bit!
Mom started Physical Therapy today, possibly why she was resting this morning. To get back some strength in her legs and hopefully get her out of that wheel chair!

More up and downs:
We had a much quieter Christmas with just the Bushes. Mom came home Christmas day (with Daniel, Bob and me) then again Saturday with us and Anna, Jen and Matt. She had a nice time eating cardamom bread and meatballs and herring. Opening presents was successful too. Then back to the Hearth, not unhappily.
Right after Christmas, one of her upper permanent teeth broke off. It's one that helps hold the upper dentures in... She didn't know it happened, no pain or sharp leftover tooth. I took her to the dentist on the 27th, he said if there's no pain and the denture seems to be staying in, 'let's not do anything yet'. Well since then, she has started taking out the denture at every meal and slipping it into her pocket. The staff was in a tizzy today because they couldn't find it! It was in her pants pocket. So we decided to keep it out until we can get to the dentist and see what other solution there is. I will call the dentist on Monday. The staff has been told to cut up her food so she can eat without upper chewers! She's not too aware of this except it feels different.
Today she was happy to see me, but thought I was bringing her (and 'everyone'!) to some party with Bob, so kept saying how disappointed she was and crying. Very hard to take or to make her understand that there was no party.  I finally told her I needed to go to help our friend Kris move. On the way to the activity room, she brightened up and remembered that she had scored 3 times in the bean bag toss earlier in the day. I left when the group was playing hangman, a game she can participate in.
On top of this, we're worried about Bob's mom diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia and just diagnosed this week with Myeloma and starting radiation for a tumor on her spine, and sad that our friends the Kimballs are actually moving in the next two weeks (not far away, but out of Glastonbury)...

Wonderful Thanksgiving, wonderful Mary Carol visit and...

        Mom has had an eventful autumn! She loved seeing ALL her children and grandchildren and great grandchild this Thanksgiving holiday. Thanks for coming!
        She had a wonderful visit this past week with Mary Carol. I learned a lot of details on their growing up from A. Mary's perspective. They laughed a lot.
       Mom has had several falls over the last month, none 'serious', i.e. she never got more than a bruise or two. They have all happened when she's been alone in her room. The staff suggested she spend most of her time out in the common area so they could keep an eye on her. The staffing is just not enough for one on one care. But she likes to be alone, listening to music or taking a nap in her room. So we decided to hire an aide to stay with her each day from 2:30-4:30 so she can nap, listen to music, and have someone to talk to. Guess what?! Tashona is available! So she has started this week. They were so happy to see each other!
        I got a call at 8:30 yesterday morning from the Hearth nurse. Mom's speech was a bit garbled, she was lethargic and her face was a bit droopy on the right side. First thought: Stroke! They called 911, and I met the whole EMT crew in her room. By this time she was more alert and no other weakness found. Mom and I spent the day at Hartford Hospital: the upshot, she had a TIA. A few hours later, no sign of droopiness or speech problems. I went back to the Hearth with her. We even made it to the women's barbershop quartet performance, which she loved. Her friends and staff all said hello and glad to have you back, etc and her 'best buddy' Annabelle came over to sit with her immediately and they 'talked' and touched in beautiful camaraderie.
This is the up and down life we are living.

Wine?

Several of you have wondered about Mom/Grammy missing her dinner wine. We have heard nothing about that from her :)  They don't give her pills at dinner time, so that reminder is gone as well. She only says she doesn't like the water (she's Never liked plain water so that's nothing new) and she does drink apple juice (that IS new)... and the coffee's fine. Which reminds me, I'll have to remember these 'new routines' when we go to the Cape this weekend...

After a month and a half at the Hearth, Mom seems to be settled in! She has moved to a different meal table of about 6 or 8 people, with 2 more Anns (!) and calls them 'my friends'. She seems to recognize many more residents and smiles as we see them. She seems to be joining the activities more often and she usually wants to be brought there when we leave after a visit. There's a 'usual' group of about 15 who are always there, so she has become familiar with them. Yay!
I took her to the Roz Young memorial concert in Madison on the 11th, and on  a drive to see the fall colors; both of which she really enjoyed. We plan to take her to the Cape this weekend. She's happily looking forward to it (I've told her we're going 'sometime'). I'll tell her on Thursday that we're going or maybe wait until Friday morning so she's not up all night getting ready... I've mentioned that Kathy is coming before Thanksgiving, so she asks nearly every visit when you're coming :). If I say 'next month' or 'in a few weeks', she doesn't seem to get anxious about the timing, but can look forward to it.
The head nurse told me they are starting smaller group activities for those who don't like the larger group. That sounds like something Mom would enjoy as well.  She's doing physical and occupational therapy 3 times a week which gives her something to look forward to and wonder 'when'. Aunt Mary Carol sent a card to the Hearth and one of the aids read it to her; I wouldn't have known it came, but the aid asked me if Mom was from Ohio, so we found the card in Mom's walker and have read it again. So keep the visits coming and send her a card or email to spice up her day.

New address

Here's is Mom/Grammie's new address at the Hearth at Glastonbury:
"Ann Sandin, 281 Western Blvd. Room 417, Glastonbury, CT 06033".
You can mail her cards, pictures, etc, there or to us. Likely it will be me or some other family/friend visiting who reads them to her.
She is adjusting to her new home, some days are better than others as they were here. She is taken care of physically pretty well; I'd like to see her decide to stay in the common area with the other residents more often. The staff encourage her to stay, but let her decide, so she opts to go back to her room and listen to a CD if the CNA (Aide) or nurse turns it on for her, or she naps.  She is a bit lonely. This wet weather puts a damper on all of us, last week she was much cheerier. I visit most every day and several of you have visited too (including Sarah, Luke, and 'little Daniel'!); Jim Gower came last week, our minister and Trisha will visit next week. Aunt Sandy's come a couple times, once with Zodie which was a hit :).
So think of her and visit when you can, send cards saying you're thinking of her or write of your latest adventure.

The Past, Present and Future

Past: 
We've had 2 great visits to the Cape in July: The 4th of July - Paul and Conor came out. Paul brought sparklers which were a big hit with Mom. She settled in very well and again said how much she likes it there.
We went again at the end of the month, a planned visit that turned into a necessary visit to have the water heater fixed. Aunt Sandy came, Zodie with her. Paul came, too.(and agreed to stay an extra day to let the furnace/heater guy in). We had a visit from the Kimballs and then a visit from ElizaBeth McCay Ritchie and her husband David and Janet. If you're on Facebook, you saw the sailboat pix from Paul. Mom had a wonderful time visiting with all. With Aunt Sandy there, Bob and I could 'play' outside almost freely.
 We have had visits from friends and family: keep coming!, Bob and I have been able to get away some and Mom's been safe and mostly happy with the caregivers.
Present:
Mom continues to have good and bad (unhappy) days. She has gotten upset with Tashona and me more than once. Currently, Mom is completely happy with Tashona and our new sub - Rita. We just never know what will set her off or when. Her conversation veers off more frequently, and she uses words that don't fit with the topic all the time.
Paul came down on Monday and he and I toured the Hearth, asked a lot of questions, and came away thinking if we need to move Mom, it would be a good fit. Kathy plans to come here the week of the 17th and take Mom to an activity there and see it herself (while Bob and I are in Maine).
Future:
Bob and I are currently thinking of moving Mom in the 'near' future. Possibly early fall. I want you all to give me your pros and cons, ideas, gut feelings, emotions, etc about moving her out of this, her current home, to a facility with others with Alzheimer's. I believe she would be well taken care of, have lots of things to stimulate her mind and exercise her body, and eventually like it. I will get to be more of a daughter than caregiver, and have more time with Bob and by myself. It will be a hard process for both Mom and me, but in the long run better for  both of us, I think. Please let me know any thoughts. We don't want to make this decision without your input. [Kath, please share with your kids, Val, please share with your Mom]

10 absolutes for Alzheimer's caregiving

1.   Never argue, instead agree.

2.   Never reason, instead divert.

3.   Never shame, instead distract.

4.   Never say “you can’t,” instead say “do what you can.”

5.   Never command or demand, instead ask or model.

6.   Never condescend, instead encourage and praise.

7.   Never say “remember,” instead reminisce.

8.   Never say “I told you,” instead repeat and regroup.

9.   Never lecture, instead reassure.

10.Never force, instead reinforce.

Something we're currently learning about Alzheimer's is that a person's ability to reason disappears. I'm putting this up on my fridge.

Thanks to Kathy for sharing this with us.